Laserface!

laserface

This canvas was painted by Valdes, Pokey, Amanda, and yours truly using small animals covered in burnt parlor hair, tea, and boutique muds as pigments.  Don’t ask how we got red (thanks, Pokey!).  It’s going to be part of Amanda’s Burning Man camp, which I fully expect to be awesome and hope renders both awe and terror into the hearts of all who bear witness to its glory.

I kind of want laser eyes for myself, but only if I can control them.  Rather than be an endlessly destructive holy-crap-I-hope-he-blinks-soon Cyclops, I find it’d be better to be Geordi La Farge + ranged laser weapons.  Being able to zoom in/out and see in infrared would be pretty sweet, too.  And if I could modulate the frequency of the laser beams from my eyes, then so much the sweeter.  If someone insulted me in science, I could just glare at their fluorescent reagents and burn out their emission peaks in 1 glorious burst of retribution!

Along these lines, a conversation that seems to recur fairly frequently at the makerspace (perhaps because it’s such a good judge of character and mettle), is what the worst possible superpower to have would be.  Many have posited that 2cm teleportation, 1s time travel, or only being attractive to rutting cats would be terrible, but I maintain that mayonnaise sweat* would be the worst.  Uncontrollable, always present glaciers of mayonnaise running from one’s armpits and brow, a horrible squishy deluge of oily hyperhydrosis.  I guess, however, that the advantage would be never wanting for potato salad or something to put on bread.

I’ll just leave you there with that mental image.

You’re welcome.

*Metabolically speaking, this would mean you could eat all the cake and cookies you’d want, because your body would need as many lipids (fats) as possible to keep generating high-quality mayonnaise.  However, dermatologically, this also means terrible acne and backne.

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